Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
