I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
