I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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