just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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