How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
