Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize