UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
