she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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