Just fell off a train. Bad.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
