if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
