Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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