YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
