i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
