dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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