I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dear god my vagina.
Two words: nipple clamps
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