I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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