And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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