i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
