I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
