YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
