Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize