i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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