So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
