I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
