shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
