All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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