How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
