haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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