Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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