I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
