Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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