They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
