my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
