my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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