We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
