using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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