Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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