Pants 0. Shit 1.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
