Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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