clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
