I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
