I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
