They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
