Cold hands, warm shart.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
