So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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