I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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