And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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