Kiss
Puke
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
