Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
