Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me they were just razor bumps!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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