your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
