apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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