One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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