I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize