just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
