I want to have your abortion
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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