You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
