I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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