It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
