I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I party with great urgency now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
