My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
