glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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