The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
