I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
