then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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