Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
