Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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