The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no you cant smoke seaweed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize