im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
honey bunches of taint.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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