Don't make out with my wife yet
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
