She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
