Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
