Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize