Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
