Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
