Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize