and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
