so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
