you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How's work?
Spinning.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
