well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
