Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
