He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
