fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
