Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
