I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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