Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
