I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
