Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
