At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
