I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I want to fling myself into the sun
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
