we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
