I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize