They should really pass out barf bags in church
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
