So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The power of my boobs compel you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
