Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
