too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
