She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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