looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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