Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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