Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
