We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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