I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize