I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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