If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
