we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
