I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
