Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
