If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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