you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
