If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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