Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
